a peek at what's running through my head right now

something that God has been bringing to my attention a lot lately is idols. i dont mean things like money or popularity, i mean carved images, often ornate and valuable, people burn sacrifices to them. i’m just kidding, i meant the other kind. things we hold on to instead of God, things we put our faith in or find comfort or meaning in. i had a short email conversation with the pastor from my church today about the passage in Romans 14 where paul talks about how we aren’t bound by the old testament dietary laws. i wondered, and so asked my pastor, why certain parts of the old testament law are still followed even in the new testament. we’re allowed to eat bacon and wear clothing of blended fabrics, but we still aren’t allowed to eat food that has been sacrificed to idols (seriously, who hasn’t been tempted to do that, amirite?), there are still rules that apply to sex. why did God draw the line where he did? i think it has to do with idolatry.

i’m fairly sure the dietary restrictions and clothing restrictions, and other related laws, were intended to differentiate the jews from the surrounding nations, so that they would hold themselves apart from the other people. i suppose that would be a concern, considering how easily they adopted foreign gods at various times in their history. the parts of the law that we still hold to after the gospels is a different story. i think that the reason we are called to, for example, not commit adultery, is that marriage is a sacred bond that reflects Christ and the church. by violating that bond, we mess with something that God has intended to point to him. sex and relationships are also something we try to find meaning in. the idol food part is a little more cut and dry, it’s an idol worship thing even at face value.

God seems to be of the opinion that bacon isn’t a matter of idolatry, but i think that’s what paul is talking about in Romans 14 when he talks about how we need to be sensitive to those who feel it is necessary for their faith for them to abstain from such things. i can see how if something is not necessarily a bad thing but one that easily tempts you, you might abstain from it altogether. bacon is one of those things for me, but God has strengthened my resolve and i feel confident that i can go forth and eat bacon boldly, but if that’s something you struggle with, or you have doubts about it, you should abstain. “But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin,” Romans 14:23 ESV.

to me, that verse ties it up nicely. if something is detrimental to your faith, you should stay away from it. there are some things God has declared are always in that category, they detract from his glory and give you a wrong image of who he is, they put your faith and hope in something besides his grace and justice and mercy. a recent article (http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/whats-at-stake-in-the-homosexuality-debate) by tony reinke put it nicely, while talking about sexual sin: “Heterosexual sin and homosexual sin alike are ultimately rooted in a worship disorder, a worship disorder that robs the soul of joy now and robs the soul of joy eternally. The fullness of joy we all long for is reserved for those sinners who, by God’s grace alone, have been healed from this worship disorder, who are rightly oriented with the Creator, and who turn away from selfishness that kicks against the created order.” God wants us completely for himself. he will not take second place in your life. whether your idol is a relationship, success, the government (big or small), praise, your job, alcohol, veganism, facebook, music, even your church, your family, your daily routine of reading your Bible (routine can be dangerous), leading a youth group, whatever it is that you find security and meaning in, God will not take second place to it. and what’s more, you will not find happiness and fulfillment in anything less than the perfect God you were created to serve. God has no secondary helper either. none of the things i just listed are inherently bad. they can be good. they might even be things that God has called you to or given to you. but you need to be very conscious that they aren’t even a distant second place to God. they are like a millionth place. as the ever wise c. s. lewis put it, “don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.” you can’t lose God. he will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5). there’s nothing better than that. and what’s more, there’s nothing else but that.

are you dissatisfied with life? there’s your answer. you’re not going to find anything that works but God. and it won’t be easy. you can fight it as long as you want, but the Truth doesn’t change. God is the only thing that is going to satisfy that craving you have, that hole in your soul. give him a real earnest chance. give yourself no backup plans. you’ll be surprised.

It’s strange. As much as I complain to God, he doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he even seems to care about my complaints. He’s very good at taking criticism. Granted, he doesn’t always follow the advice I give him, but sometimes he’ll give me something I ask for, or he’ll give me something I didn’t ask for but needed. He’s pretty good at his job. I like to complain that he doesn’t do things my way. He quite obviously has something better in mind, because I recall some of the things I’ve prayed for and, looking back, I know they were pretty foolish. As C. S. Lewis said, “If God had granted all the silly prayers I’ve made in my life, where should I be now?” God doesn’t move at my pace, and I should be happy he doesn’t. I’m not always happy about it, but I should be. It makes my part in all of this very simple. First I must trust that God knows what I need much better than I do. Second I must act accordingly. That’s all there is to it. One step at a time, one day at a time, I must seek his wisdom and his will. When I can’t pull myself closer to him, I must pray that he will drag me towards himself, kicking and screaming if need be. In time, God will shape me and bend me into a better image of himself. He knows what I need to learn.

And you know what? He isn’t looking for me to be perfect. That’s not his goal. He doesn’t expect that from me, because he knows I can’t be perfect. It’s not about me being perfect. One of my favorite pastors, Tullian Tchividjian, said on Twitter today, “The focus of the Christian faith is NOT our imperfect transformation but Christ’s perfect substitution.” God isn’t a moralist. Even if we manage to get to the point where we can pull off perfect adherence to a perfect morality, we can’t be good enough. That’s kind of the point of the law given in the Old Testament. We should look at it and say, “wow… there is no way I can be good enough to please God, I’m going to hell.” That’s where grace comes in. I’ll be talking about that some time soon, probably in the next couple days. I could talk about grace for a very long time. It’s kind of a big deal. In the meantime, read Romans. Also, you should check out Tchividjian’s book, Surprised by Grace. It’s an excellent read.

I went to a concert tonight with Jeff. The Dear Hunter played, and then they performed as the backing band for Anthony Green. It made me really sad to hear Anthony Green. He is a very lost and struggling man. There was so much pain in the room. Maybe I’m a little hypersensitive at the moment, but I just suddenly realized how lost and scared and confused all of these people were. There are so many people searching for anything with any sort of meaning and falling completely flat on their faces. I feel like one benefit of the current state of our postmodern society is that there’s a real lack of false substance in the world. It isn’t like that everywhere, but I know that as I looked around the room tonight, there were a lot of lost people trying to find meaning and knowing they were all just pretending to have found it. That angry emo teenage stuff we remember seeing around in high school is matured now. It’s a lot more than a phase for a lot of people. The advantage here is that I think in this group of people, everyone is a lot more desperate and they know that what they are trying to be satisfied with is completely failing them. That’s dangerous, but it’s also a huge opportunity for God to really move in peoples’ lives. Anthony Green was like a 7 year old throwing a tantrum on stage. That description fits his stage presence, his singing, and really his music in general. He’s a 30 year old emo high schooler. And he lives for his fans. That’s not a safe thing to live for. Some of you may have seen the quote I posted on Facebook the other day, C. S. Lewis said “Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.” I can’t imagine the pressure he must feel, hoping he doesn’t disappoint people. The scraps of self-deprecating humor he tossed out had far too much belief behind them. When he thanked the crowd for their applause, there was far too much relief and vulnerability in his voice.

Just had to get all this out, lots to think about. There are a lot of lost people out there. I know I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve got one big one, and everything else depends on that.

i cried this morning. im getting a late start to my day because i think i need to put some more words out there. it’s not something i’ve ever been terribly good at or comfortable with. i think part of the reason for that is also the reason i’m writing this.

ray bradbury died. i know it was two weeks ago, but it didn’t hit me until this morning as i listened to neil gaiman read a short story he wrote about him (http://soundcloud.com/neilgaiman/the-man-who-forgot-ray-bradbury). i’ve always thought it was more than a bit ridiculous for people to get emotional about the deaths of celebrities they didn’t know at all. i guess i’ve never connected with a celebrity like this before ray bradbury. in explanation, i think part of the reason i’ve never been comfortable putting my words down for people to see is that ray had the words i didn’t. not just the ones i wanted, but the words i didn’t know were there.

for those of you who haven’t read any of his stories but fahrenheit 451, you don’t know ray bradbury. you simply must read more. you owe it to yourself, to ray, and to humanity.

i don’t expect this blog post to be a proper memorial to how i feel about him, so i titled it “memo” instead. that seemed a bit closer to what i feel capable of. i mean, i’ve always had a big imagination. i’m kind of a dreamer. okay, “kind of” doesn’t do it justice, i’m a dreamer. i don’t mean just in daydreams or night dreams. all of my thoughts are dreams, really. there’s sort of a grandiosity of beauty that characterizes the things i imagine. i can’t explain it without sounding pompous, like i’m bragging or something. i promise i’m not. i’m just trying to describe it for you. i guess you might call it the justice of beauty. there is a proper rightness to the beauty of existence that i imagine in everything. and i saw that in what ray bradbury wrote. i feel like i owe him thanks for giving his words to my dreams, for showing me that these kinds of things can be expressed with words, even if i’m not the one who can do it. additionally, i owe him thanks for writing stories that are more real on paper than they even could be in my head. usually as you read, your imagination picks you up and fills in all of the things between the lines that isn’t written down; a picture is worth a thousand words, and your mind makes that picture for you if you aren’t given one. i think bradbury is the exception to this saying. i think any story of bradbury’s is worth at least a thousand pictures per word. your mind doesn’t fill in between the lines. there’s no room between the lines for your own pictures. his pictures are already there. he says more than the words he writes account for.

i’ll leave you with that, then. if you are looking for something to read, i think summer is a great time to read “dandelion wine.” if you want something heavier, try “the martian chronicles.” if you want to read the only book that has left me shaking, sweating, and terrified (in my high school spanish class, where i was supposed to be paying attention, not reading a book), try “something wicked this way comes.” maybe it’s just me. maybe you won’t get from these books what i did. in any case, i’m sure it will be worth your time.